AIZEN THE FRIENDLY GHOST
by Succulent Crack Mushrooms
Summary: Everything you've ever dared to think of Aizen, all in one fic. Tis all there is to it. Multiple chapters of crack. Read and be astounded.
1. MY AIIZEN

**AIZEN THE FRIENDLY GHOST:**

**THE FRIENDLIEST GHOST YOU'LL EVA KNOW!!!**

Welcome to Succulent Crack Mushroom's first entry.

People often ask the question: What does Aizen get up to with his zanpakto behind closed doors?

Questions such as this shall be answered, so please do continue reading...

* * *

It is night time, and a concerned Aizen comes around the corner.

"Aiizen? Where did I put my Aiizen?" he asks, looking around.

He stumbles. And falls.

Gin is looking. Tousen is looking, or at least trying to.

"…"

"…"

Aizen continues wailing.

"Where arrrre you, my Aiiizen??"

Gin is bemused.

"You're right there." He speaks

Aizen is distraught.

"NO," He is crying. "My Aiizen? Where did you put it??" He frowns at Gin.

"In the sink." Speaks Tousen.

Gin is annoyed.

"Do you even know what a sink is, blindy?"

Tousen maintains. "In the sink."

Aizen is calling out to. "Aiiizen?"

He goes to a sink. "Aiiizen!" He proclaims. "There you are, you naughty little boy."

He continues in reprimand. "Aiizen…what were you doing in there?"

Tousen suddenly begins arising out of the drain unexpectedly.

"In the sink." Speaks he.

Aizen is in shock.

"Arcghghg! My perciousssss AIIIIzen. Let us flee from this place!!!

Gin is watching. Aizen is running. Aizen is cradling Aiizen. Gin speaks.

"Ah… he was looking for his sword…"

Aizen is still running. He is entering a hallway.

He has found his room. Aizen speaks.

"Let's go in here Aiizen! It's nice and cosy in my room! Aiizen!"

His declaration is heard everywhere. By every one. All over the world.

Aiizen speaks suggestively.

"Mee-oww!!"

Aiizen has happy.

Aiizen has Aizen.

And control of your you.

Head/keyboard.


	2. dundunDUNdun

**AIZEN THE FRIENDLY GHOST**

**THE FRIENDLIEST GHOST YOU'LL EVA KNOW!!1!1!!!1!!**

Aizen has a theme song.

It goes as follows.

It is called: Aiizen

_Yo, listen up here's a story_

_About a little guy that lives in an Aizen world_

_And all day and all night and everything he sees is just Aizen like him_

_Inside and outside_

_Aizen his house with an Aizen little window_

_And an Aizen carpet and everything is Aizen for him_

_And his self and everybody around_

_Cos he ain't got nobody to listen._

_I'm Aizen da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_I have an Aizen house with an Aizen window_

_Aizen is the colour I'm often around_

_Aizen the streets and all the trees are too_

_I have a girlfriend and she is so Aizen_

_Aizen the people here that walk around_

_Aizen like my car that, its standing outside_

_Aizen the words I say and what I think_

_Aizen is the feeling that lives inside me._

_I'm Aizen da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_Da-ba-dee-da-ba-die_

_If I were Gin I would die_

Aizen finished singing and the Espada were forced to clap and act all cheery. Poor them.


	3. Aizen tells all

**AIZEN THE FRIENDLY GHOST**

**THE FRIENDLIEST GHOST YOU'LL EVA KNOW!**

And now…

It's time for the 'Aizen tells all show!!!'

Razz: So why do you think that you have children Aizen?

Aizen: Why wouldn't I think that?

Razz: cos you're dead perhaps?

Aizen: What a silly reason. I have children, lots of children… I bred them myself, from little tiny rabbits.

Kris: Okay, so how many children do you have?

Aizen: How many people are in the world today?

Kris: I don't know

Aizen: The same amount as the children I have

Razz: Does that mean that I…

Aizen: Yes, Luke I am your father!

Luke: I didn't ask you!

Aizen: Oh… too bad… TOUSEN CHILD!!!

Tousen: Yes father?

Aizen: Go to bed.

Flame.


	4. What is this?

**AIZEN THE FRIENDLY GHOST**

**THE FRIENDLIEST GHOST YOU'LL EVE KNOW!!!**

AIZEN!

Aizen is a fish

Aizen is a bird

Aizen is a poop

Aizen is an aizeb

Aizen has Zen…

Yes, he is Buddhist

Bet that shocked you

Aizen is morbidly obese

He hides it with his powers of illusion

Aizen is a dream

Aizen is a wish

Aizen is a fantasy

Aizen soars…

…and fails

Aizen is a gateway

To love

And magic

And rainbows

And candy

And fluff

Aizen's name is Sosuke…

…no wonder he goes by "Aizen"

Aizen's other car is Arrancar

Aizen is a midnight snack

Aizen like to catch the midnight train

To anywhere…

Yes, ANYWHERE

But mostly your house

Aizen is a cow

Aizen is a leprechaun

Aizen is a llama

Aizen is a llama

Aizen is a duck

Aizen is a fairy

Aizen is in your closet

Hello, Aizen!

Nooooooooooooooo Aizen! You can't touch!

Aizen is a turtle

Aizen is Sleeping Beauty

Aizen is a piano

Aizen is a ghost

No, really he is!

The friendliest ghost you'll ever know~!

Aizen: Who is this 'Casper' you speak of? Never heard of him…

Screw Casper…

And his white sheetyness…

We have Aizen

In all his rudeness

And oiliness

And lack of glasses-ness

Aizen is a hole

Aizen has a hole

Aizen is a milkshake

He brings all the boys to the yard

And they're like 'It's better than yours'

And he's like 'You wish it was'

Aizen is a vacuum cleaner

Aizen is dirt

No, he's lower than dirt…

He is scum

Aizen is on Mars

Aizen is great

Aizen thinks he's cool

Aizen thinks that Ulquiorra loves him

He's wrong

Aizen is a horse

Aizen is a state of mind

He is in your mind

In your secrets

Reading them

Smelling them

Rubbing them

Touching them

Loving them

Bouncing on them

Eating them

Being them

But mostly reading them

Aizen has a secret

Secretly, he is Naruto

Naruto has a secret

Secretly, he is Pinocchio

Pinocchio has a secret

Secretly he is Light

Light has a secret

Secretly he is a cat

Cat has a secret

Secretly is it dog

Dog has secret

Secretly it is Inuyasha

Inuyasha has a secret

Secretly he is Gumby

Gumby has a secret

Secretly, he is coke

Coke has a secret

Secretly it is Aizen

…

…

…

That's right

…

…

.

You drink him.

And he loves it. Really, he does, you should stop drinking that now.

Aizen is everywhere…

But mostly in your bed

Under your covers

Awaiting your arrival.

…

That's right…

He **really **loves it.

Aizen is funee

You can say him in many ways.

For example:

Eye-Zen

Aaaaaaaaeeesen

Ice-en

Mice and men

Pie men

Pirate

And lies man

Or lice man

Or whatever you can think of...

Casper: Screw you, Aizen .


	5. What does HALIBELL think of Aizen?

**AIZEN THE FRIENDLY GHOST**

**THE FRIENDLIEST GHOST YOU'LL EVER KNOW!!**

One day, as I was walking down the street, I heard someone ask: What does Halibell really think about Aizen?

Let us delve into the mind of the third Espada:

_Aizen is a bum. He is so mean to us. I don't know why the old guy doesn't just kick him out onto the street. I wish he would blow away. With the wind. He smells funny, and blames it on us. He thinks we stink, when in reality it's him who stinks. He standing next to me… I think I'M GOING TO DIE!_

Thankyou very much, Halibell.


	6. School Days!

**AIZEN THE FRIENDLY GHOST**

**THE FRIENDLIEST GHOST YOU'LL EVAR NO!!!!**

Aizen is at school. He looks.

"Aiizen? Where is my Aiizen?"

"I'm right here, Aizen!"

"Oh, that's good. Nice to see you, Aiizen."

Aizen looks at the children. They looks at him.

"Who is Aiizen?" They asks.

"I am." Says Aiizen.

Byakuya is teaching. He is yelling.

"GO AWAY AIZEN AND AIIZEN!!"

"No." They speak.

So Byakuya is mad. He loses his coat. And his shoes. And his hair things. And his shirt. And his socks. And his pants. Now he only has a scarf and panties.

Aizen is confused.

"What is this?" He speaks.

Byakuya is still mad. Moments of one later he is no longer in clothes.

Aiizen speaks suggestively.

"Mee-ow."


	7. Aizen on Tv?

AIZEN THE FRIENDLY GHOST

Part 7

Oh no. Its Aizen time~!

Aizen the leprechaun, marches along when no one's home.

He looks so glum with his big fat head. Every one knows he lives in bed.

Aizen

Aiten

Biten

Biton

Boton

Botox

So therefore, Aizen uses botox…oh dear…

Aizen: How else do I get my slick, shiny complexion!

Espada: Aizen botox! Buy it today!

end of commercial

Ichigo switches off the television.

"I am never buying that…"

Isshin stares at the TV and thinks: _I want some_

Maybe Yamamoto could use some of that.

He sure needs it.


	8. Oh?

**AIZEN THE FRIENDLY GHOST**

**THA FRINDLEST GHOST YOU'LL EVER NOW!**

THE AIZEN IS ALWAYS WITH YOU!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


End file.
